Often times one may be faced with difficult obstacles to overcome his or her past self. It may seem easier to remain stagnant in the life one does not desire, because it is tiring to journey against an uphill obstacle. Fighting against the current is tiresome, but it is worth the victory and to experience the feeling of accomplishing an arduous quest to reach one's desired kingdom.
Many times I have desired to give up on my journey and to simply remain. Sometimes it seems it would be much easier to allow the darkness to overtake me. Then I start to remember the darkness is nothing more, but the absent of light and then darkness becomes less relevant to me. Although my journey may be strenuous and often times seemingly impossible, it is worth the feeling of victory after conquering a task I thought was unconquerable. For me to move forward in my journey I knew I had to release my self from limiting ideas of who I thought I was.
I had to become more than matter. I had to become energy, which is in my consciousness, and allow myself to create the life I desire. I had to release myself from my identity and become no one. I had to destroy the barriers that contained me in my past. I did so by altering my mind and believing in myself. I had to believe that I am more than matter. Matter cannot change matter, because it vibrates on the same frequencies (Dispenza, 2012). I had to learn to let go of the idea of who I thought I was. I had to become limitless and to become limitless I had to become undefined.
As I continued to fight in an uphill battle, I inched my way to the top of the mountain, and once victory was in my sights it made me feel unbreakable. I knew I could accomplish more than what I thought I could. Once I conquered the seemingly unconquerable mountain it was time to start another uphill journey. It became easier and easier over time. Pretty soon the uphill journey no longer was an uphill journey and simply became a journey. I no longer gave the difficult uphill battles value. It was no longer a question if I could conquer the hill, but what will I conquer next. I was empowering myself and I was no longer being empowered but, I am empowered.
I remember prior to my journey, as I was still involved in mixed martial arts, I prided myself as a fighter. I defined myself as fighter and used it as armor to protect the fragile being I was inside. I could be broken at any difficult task or event. A few years back I was at Disneyland with my family and I knew there was going to be fireworks. I surrendered to my fears of fireworks, because it would take me to a darkness of where I did not want to go, so I would avoid it at. Fireworks was my trigger and my mind would crumble at the sound if it. There was too many people and it was too far to find somewhere safe away from the fireworks. As the explosions began to sound and the lights would flare like muzzle flashes in the night I began to slip away surrendering to my greatest fear.
I can feel my spine shivering and my breath would become heavier. It was like I was transferred to another world. I was back at the place that would seemingly hold me in fear. I was gone and I can hear my wife's voice trying to bring me back, but her voice would soon fade as the sound of explosion would be my focus point. I felt helpless and not even my outer shell of being the mixed marital artist could protect me. It was a mask and it was not armor or any form of protection. As I journeyed further and I released myself from the limiting ideas of becoming no one, I would face my fears.
As I became undefined and I started to become more consciousness instead of matter I would find myself to be limitless. The year 2018 on the fourth of July would be the year where I would finally be released from my fears of fireworks. I spent the fourth of July (2018) with my family. Normally I would be curled up in my room with the blinds closed and my headphones on with the music as loud as it can go. The fear no longer holds me. My past does not define my present and I have conquered what I thought was seemingly unconquerable.
As I am become more aware of my consciousness I am journeying deeper into the realm that is beyond my physical self. If I would have surrendered to my desire to give up on my difficult journey I would not be in this moment of victory. I am victorious and I am a conquerer. I have conquered many of my obstacles and I am sure there are many more to come. Each obstacle in life is preparing me for another and I am confident that I can overcome any obstacle. I will not be contained nor will I surrender to my fears. I can conquer the unconquerable. Conquer the Unconquerable.
Dispenza, J. (2012). You are the placebo. New York City, NY: Hay House.