I have traveled among the monsters and demons created by my mind. I have felt the burning fire that once fueled me extinguish into the depth of my sorrow and loneliness. I have been the victim to my own being and crumbled on the pressures of my own sanity. I created the world that imprisoned me. I created the world of my feelings of loneliness. None of this holds true in this new world of light and peace.
The feeling of emptiness was fueled by my sorrow and I victimized myself for years to come. I watched my family ties become nothing and invaluable before my eyes. I created the world of darkness and those who loved me suffered as I gave up on life. I watched from afar as the hearts of my mother and father became broken, because of my separation and unwillingness to move forward. I was consumed by my hate and anger. I had nothing to give and I had nothing to give my parents. I could not forgive nor love myself so I could not love anyone else.
I know the physical passing of my brother was and is still difficult for my mother and father, but at the time I was emotionally numb. I did not care of who I hurt, because I did not care for myself. How could I possibly care if I did not care for myself? The decisions I have made to live my life in solitary from the love of the two people who united so I may be a living being, has dissipated my relationship with my parents. I can never undo the hurt that I have caused them, however I can live in the now and appreciate the life I have. I can live among light and peace.
I sat in the abyss of my imprisonment and accepted the sentence I set forth upon myself. I accepted my fate and the very traces of my good was rotting away. No one had the key to my freedom and no one possessed the key to the space that would house my very being. I became some thing. I was some thing of negativity and my very being was torturous and admittedly self-inflicted. I inflicted the pain and loneliness upon myself.
At the time it seemed I was in this stoop, because of the experiences and events that occurred in my life. I had blamed every negative event, from the military to the passing of my brother, on outside sources instead of confronting the person who had created my prison. I created the walls that confined me in solitude. I confined my being and laid in sorrow and unworthiness. The realization that the world that I created could be easily uncreated by the powers that I possessed from within was an unreachable thought not yet to be thought. The one thought and realization of freedom has been my key to unlock the chains.
I took a deep breath and breathed out the negativity. I stepped into the light that I created by my own being. I was not ready to give up. I had much to do and much to live for. My parents were always waiting for me. They patiently waited as I navigated through the darkness. My severance from darkness has allowed light to enter my being. I saw my mother and father for the first in years. I smiled at them and they smiled at me. I am welcomed into this world.
This new world that I have created has been promising. The vibrant colors that I see is proof that life has amazing gifts to offer. The sun rises and sets every day as proof to a new beginning. Everyday is a day for another chance at life and to right the wrongs. It is a new beginning to accomplish the unaccomplished. It is a new day to live and thrive in a world of peace and light. A new day.