©2020 by Rooted Kingdom. 

The Answers Are Within

There may be some deeply rooted issued that are holding a person back from living in the now. The thoughts and emotions that holds a person stagnant in the past will dissipate with new thoughts. New experiences will bring forth new thoughts and emotions. The new experiences will marry the new thoughts and emotions creating a different life. It is simple to say "let go of the past", however I know how difficult it may be to become unshackled from the walls of my own prison.

Everyone deals with life experiences and stress differently. Not all people's experience with negative things will result in the same as another. Perception changes from person to person. I know for me, I had a hard time dealing with the stresses of war and to experience my brother's passing. My brother was in a foreign land when he passed. He was "serving his county" and he ultimately gave his physical life fighting in a war created by man of political power and greed. I was also sent to a foreign land wearing the uniform of the country I live in. The first time my brother and I were deployed overseas we came back and even the second time as well. My brother deployed for the third time and his physical self came back, but his heart was no longer beating. There was no breath in his lungs and there was no life in his physical body.

Prior to my brother's third deployment we had a disagreement over something. He had visited me at my residence at the duty station I was assigned to. We spoke as brother's did, however we had argued prior to his departure that day of his visit. I held on to that anger and even held on to it when he deployed to the foreign land. I had so much anger in my heart and I did not know how to release it. I was lost and numb from positive emotions. I was a weaponized being and primed for the events of war. I did not know how to come out of it. I was imprisoned by my own anger. My emotions of positivity were buried deep as angered filled me. I was hardened and I was no longer me.

When I received the news of my brother's passing, a sort of frenzy happened within me. The controlled chaos turned to an uncontrollable chaos and I spiraled to a deeper hole. I had no idea how to forgive myself for the things I said to my brother. I could not tell him face-to-face, because his body was severely mangled from the damages of war. I was broken and I would hold myself hostage to the pain of not being able to receive closure from my brother. I could not ask for forgiveness since his physical being was no longer here. I was broken.

I stayed stagnant in the hole that kept me. The darkness blinded me and the walls held the chains that shackled my hands and feet. I was being punished for my actions of hate and war. I accepted the sentence I bestowed upon myself and I stayed there. I felt I deserved it and I felt it was the right thing. I was lost.

I tried to find answers at the bottom of an alcohol bottle. I slipped further to the abyss that housed my inner being. As I slowly rotted away from the punishment of my own sentence I had a glimpse of light. It was the face of my brother and he smiled at me. I realized he never wanted this for me and he forgiven me. My mother had found a letter from my brother to me. He must have wrote it before he passed. He said he had forgiven me and he loves me. I was relieved, but I felt I did not deserve is forgiveness.

Years, later that glimpse of light that I saw would become brighter, but it seemed to be so far and too far to journey. I realized that if he forgave me I should forgive myself. I forgave myself, however there was significant emotional and mental damage done. My brain was wired to dwell on my past. My body only knew sadness and it craved the emotional darkness. That is what I was used to and that is what my subconscious wanted. I had to rewire my brain and thus fill my inner being with positivity. This was a difficult and long task to complete, but I was up for the challenge. I was ready for a change.

I began a journey and I had no idea where I was going, but I was going some where. I was going anywhere but where I was. I unshackled the chains that held me and I walked away. The light would become brighter and brighter, but the journey was difficult. My body craved the negativity that once held me. I resisted the urge and although I would fall short, time and time again, I continued to move forward. This was not easy, but I traveled long and far. I did not know this at the time, but I was searching for my higher-self. I was searching for something and realized my higher-self was within me the entire time.

I found serenity and peace from within my being. I let go of the physical, emotional, and mental pain that I felt. I lifted my head and vowed to no longer be the person I once was. I shed my skin and created a new me by simply allowing myself. I allowed for a new life and I accepted it, just as I accepted my fate from the evil I have committed. I vowed to do my very best to be of peace and positivity. I was ready for the next stages of my higher-self.

I had to give myself time to heal and I had to examine every bit of my being. This was a difficult journey to overcome, but I did it. I am have conquered the demons that once held me and I took back my kingdom. I am the ruler of my kingdom. The crown on my head shall be the symbol of my journey and I wear it proudly. I confronted myself and I have forgiven the wrong I have done. Forgiveness is an act of love and slowly the love would pull me to the positive light. I realized that light was created by me, thus I must be of light. I am light and I am of love. I am a man of peace and I am a man of positivity. I have created a new life and I am here today, because I allowed myself to be. The answers are within.

#SelfHeal #SelfGrowth #Consciousself #Forgiveness #HigherSelf