14 years ago today my brother's physical being passed. He was only 23 years of age when he succumbed to his injuries of war. I want to take this moment to honor him and let him know that I miss him. I miss you brother. This is a letter to my Brother. This letter is for you.
I am living my best life and I am happy. I once was shackled by my anger of your passing. I was angry for a long time. I was angry that you were taken from me when I was 22 years of age. I still needed you and I still wanted to follow you around just like I did when we were younger. Sometimes I sit and wonder what we would be doing if you were still here physically. I imagine you would come over often and I would do the same. We would have family dinners and I am assuming we would still watch hockey games together. Remember when we used to play street hockey? That was fun.
I lost my way in life, because of my anger. My path in life has been blinded by the anger that turned to hate. I started to forget who I was and I lost myself somewhere. It is okay though, because I have journeyed far to get to where I am now. I used to be angry and this is the first year that I have felt like I have let go of the sadness that once lingered in the depths of my soul. It held on to me for the longest time. This has been an amazing year for me, because I accomplished so much on my journey. This was the first year I have enjoyed the fire works on the Fourth of July. I normally lock myself away in the room with headphones on so I would not hear the blasts. The sounds of the fireworks blasts would have typically sent me to a spiraling deep abyss of darkness. Not this year though, I overcame this and I am proud that I was able to defeat the negativity that once kept me on my knees.
It truly has been an amazing year for me. I was able to watch I was my daughter, your niece, play with the little sparklers. I even lit these tiny poppers for her. Not once did I feel the anxieties of war, I was lost in the smile on my daughter's face and the laughter of her voice. She is so beautiful, you would love her and I am sure you would have spoiled her.
I used to not have pictures of you on my walls in my house, because the pain I would experience in my heart was unbearable and I was not strong enough yet. Now, I have pictures of you and I see you everyday. My daughter where you are and I tell her that you are not living in this world anymore. I have not quite figured out how to tell her. She knows who you are though and that you are a good man. My wife Lucy knows who you are too. I feel like you both have met before. We talk about you and I tell stories of when we were younger. She has helped me through the darkness I was once sitting alone in. She has been my companion and she is patient with me. I put her through so much and yet she still stands next to me. You would really like her, her cooking is amazing too. I cannot remember what your favorite foods are, but she can make you anything you like. She just made me a vegan "mac and cheese" dish. Pretty cool huh? She makes the sauce from sautéed vegetables and blends it up nicely. She adds cashews and some other things. It is delicious.
As you can see I am doing well. I am living a simple and satisfying life. I still think of you and I miss you. I am no longer angry nor is there any hate in my heart. I missed so much of my life, because I was angry and hateful. I was lost and I felt like I still needed your guidance. It took me years to find my way. I journeyed too far to give up now. I will keep fighting the forces of negativity. I accept the things that I cannot change and I forgive the people who have committed wrong against me. Most importantly I forgive myself and I raise my head high. The crown on my head shall be the symbol of my journey and strength. I love you Brother Lion. This is a letter to you. This is a letter to my Brother. May you Rest in Power.