The first time I seen her my heart began to flutter. My chest felt heavy and I tensed up when I was around her. She is beautiful and she moves like a lioness. She is strong and fierce. I fell in love from afar.
I fell in love with a woman I did not know. We both worked in the same area, but I could never build the nerve to talk to her. I was intimidated by her beauty and the internal power that emitted from her. I would try to strike up conversation, but I would panic and would find myself speechless. I came to conclusion that she is out of my league and it’s better to leave her alone. Besides, I could not compete with the alpha male competition. I let it be and just admired her from afar. After a few months had passed she e-mailed me and it was about business, but there was this sense of friendliness and interest in her part. I was not quite sure what the hidden message was, but it was probably my only opportunity to get to know her. We communicated back in forth through e-mail. I played it safe just in case I was misinterpreting her message. She asked me what do I like to do on my off time and I took that as an interest point in me. I mentioned we should hang out and she agreed. After work that evening we went on our first date. We went to Denny’s and enjoyed each other’s company. We talked about our interests and we listened to each other’s stories. This is the beginning of my new life. We started dating on February 8, 2008. As time went on she started to learn that I was obviously lost in my own abyss of anger and sadness. Although I was happy to be with her, I was still in a deep pit of hate and anger from my past experiences. She never pried about my military experiences nor about my brother. She has always been supportive. I never talked about it and she never asks. I respected that about her. She knew I was not ready to face myself. We got married on September 26th, 2009. As you can see, in relations to the dates from when we started dating to the day we were married, we seemingly moved quickly. It just felt right. She is perfect. Her humanly imperfections made her perfect in my eyes. We complimented each other’s personalities well. I am in love. As the days passed our love for one another grew. She is my best friend. At this point, I still was not ready to face myself. She can tell I would still struggle with it. I could not attend Fourth of July gatherings or anything related to fireworks. She knows my deepest struggles, but she would never pry about the details. She figured she would let me tell her when I was ready. It became apparent to her that my past experiences from when I was in the military has consumed a good portion of my being. No matter how difficult I was she would stay by me. She always has my back. A new chapter and beginning would happen for us. A new ray of light was taking place. On May 19, 2011 my daughter was born. I saw her.