Thinking back to the time when I was incapable to think consciously, it makes me smile to know how far I came. I handle life’s obstacles much differently then I did. I can consciously make decisions not based on emotions. Usually my negative emotions is my bodies response to not so pleasant memories, which used to take me for a wild emotional roller coaster ride. Sometimes life can take me through a challenging path full of unusual obstacles. Other times life’s path can be navigated with ease. Those paths that are unusually difficult to navigate through are my defining moments. However I still take notes on the less arduous paths, because life is full of lessons. Overstanding myself internally has greatly impacted my physical being. When I am balanced internally I am quite healthy physically. I have learned how to manage my internal being well enough to think back about difficult times without being emotionally invested. This has been a huge stepping stone for me as I am in complete control of my mind and my life. I realized that I was programmed to react to things instead of consciously make decisions. Here’s an example of being programmed to instinctively react versus to consciously make decisions. I used to wonder how I made it through the military without having mental break, the answer is simple; I was programmed to instinctively react without thinking. I supposed it would be like muscle memory and habit. Specific phrases were constantly repeated and I went through a series of specific training to handle specific situations. Also I was programmed to handle unspecific situations as well. It was all programming. My conscious mind would shut off and I would operate on instinct. Sounds crazy right? I suppose that programming ensured to keep me alive during my military service, I mean I am still here. However, it was difficult to turn off the program that was running my mind instinctively. I learned to do it, because I needed to change. This has been one of life’s many difficult challenges that I needed to overcome. The more simple things in life are easily overlooked as to why life is seemingly effortless to navigate through. I have noticed that when things are going well for me I never really examined why. I just sort of went for the ride and taking the back seat until I have to climb an seemingly unclimbable mountain. Those simple moments are just as important for me to examine. During those simple and happy moments I never thought to ask myself why am at ease right now. It never crossed my mind. I realized that it is important for me to address it and ask myself why am I happy right now. The answer is simple, it’s because I allowed myself to be happy. During tough moments I went into my “programming” mode and allowed my training to take over, thus my body was in control and not my conscious self . It’s the fight or flight mode. So, when I am conscious even for the difficult times, I am at ease and happy. Just as I wrote in my last blog, happiness is a choice. I have the ability to choose to be happy just as long as my mind stays conscious. So I decided to stay conscious and awake. Life’s adventures can be arduous, but how I handle it will continue my growth as a person. It is important for me to stay in my conscious mindset and not allow my instinctive habits to take over. I am in control of my mind. I am in control of my body. I am in control. Your mom is in control.